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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28429245">call it even</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteofdawn/pseuds/tasteofdawn'>tasteofdawn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Day6 (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Holidays, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, im sorry for this i just want this idea to be written idk, pls be kind</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:42:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28429245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteofdawn/pseuds/tasteofdawn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Park Jaehyung, an up-and-coming actor, always goes back home to Seoul for the holidays. Every holiday, he spends it with his his best friend of over a decade, Kim Wonpil. But every holiday, they become more than they actually are. In secret kisses and hidden touches. </p>
<p>But just like every season, their secret relationship eventually moves and goes. Until the next holiday comes again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>call it even</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I would like to formally apologize for this word vomit. Hahaha.<br/>This is Part 1 of clandestine series.<br/>Part 2 will come along.</p>
<p>Please be kind! Leave kudos/comments if you like it.<br/>(If you don’t it’s okay T__T)</p>
<p>Title and story inspired and based from Taylor Swift’s ‘tis the damn season’</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>December</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you hear the rumors?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What about it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Park Jaehyung is in town… you know, the actor.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It shouldn’t bother him so much. Hearing Jaehyung’s name again shouldn’t really bother that much. But taking the Frosted Flakes on the aisle, Wonpil sees his hands shaking slightly and the supermarket feels extremely small like it’s almost collapsing. He leaves the cereal aisle as quickly as possible, no longer wanting to hear whatever rumors are spreading.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Because they aren’t rumors. It’s the truth. He’s back again, for the holidays. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The vibration of his phone inside his pants pocket proves it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonpil returns to his tiny apartment to settle his holiday groceries and still hasn’t read the message from the devil of the rumors. Too scared to be expected of a reply. Too scared to be weak for him again. He ignores until it’s late afternoon and his phone rings again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He knows he can’t escape this one and before he accepts the call, he takes a deep breath looking at the caller ID.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Jae.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wonpil. It’s been so long. You didn’t reply to my text.” Jae’s voice makes his heart skip a beat — Scared? Nervous? Love? Pain? All of the above.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was busy, sorry.” He’s totally not sorry.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to meet up for dinner later? I’ll treat you.” Wonpil could already hear the smile in the older’s voice. And Wonpil is really close to giving in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m tired today, Jae. Maybe next time.” Or never. Please.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh okay, I understand. I’m a bit jetlagged myself. LA to Seoul isn’t really the most ideal travel.” Jae chuckles to no one but himself. The younger would love to humor him but it’s really not the time or mood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You should rest too, Jae. I’ll probably sleep in a few.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about breakfast tomorrow? I’ll pick you up. You still live in the same apartment right?” Jae insists. Wonpil knows that insisting Jae doesn’t really really give up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. Yes, you can pick me up here.” Wonpil finally gives in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Great!” Jae sounds excited; for a while, Wonpil allows himself to revel in the moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Piri. Bye!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They hang up and Wonpil exhales a deep breath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>December, here we go again. Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonpil woke up before his alarm rang in the morning. He checks himself in his bathroom mirror and the bags under his eyes are pretty damn obvious that he wasn’t able to have a normal sleep. He leaves the bathroom after a quick shower— he really didn’t want to stay in the shower far longer than regular programming because he’ll overthink his feelings and the anticipation over this </span>
  <em>
    <span>friendly </span>
  </em>
  <span>breakfast.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At exactly 10 in the morning, his phone buzzes with a message of </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m here. Downstairs. Gray car.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He takes a deep breath before going out and prepares himself by putting up the wall he’s been trying to build ever since he received the first message from him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m back in Seoul, Piri.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <b>April — 18 years ago</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wonpil had just turned 7 when they moved in to the new house in Seoul. It was unfamiliar, scary, and unnecessary in his own opinion. Why need to move? He already has friends back home. There’s literally nothing for them to move to the city. Well, except for his dad’s work being relocated here.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He hated Seoul, he decided when they all settled their things and started unpacking. He hated people here. He hated his new school. He hated the brunet tall kid living next door who was always popular and had friends and played basketball with the fun and cool kids.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He learned that his name is Park Jaehyung, older than him by 3 years. Park Jaehyung is well-loved and smart and kind and knows how to speak English. He’s also studying English too but he’s not as good whenever he talks Jae to his parents. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He decided to dislike him too. Until he saved his life. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It wasn’t much but he was rushing to buy an ice cream across the street and didn’t notice a rushing car. Jae did and in a snap, he pulled the rushing kid back and gave him another chance in life. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They shared an ice cream together and became best friends. They shared stories of Jae being born in America and Wonpil moving from a small town in a province. Wonpil learned he likes guitar and Jae learned he loves piano. They laughed until the sun came down. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>By then, he swore that Jae would be his best friend for life. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>As soon as Wonpil got into the gray car, he had to put up a facade that won’t blow up his cover. So he started the conversation, just like old times, like every single holiday for the past 4 years.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Jae. Been a while.” Wonpil greets looking up to the tall lithe man in the driving seat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Been busy with work.” Jae starts the engine after glancing at the one in the passenger seat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drive was silent. It was a short trip anyway. The car radio filled the air mostly with usual pop music and overly talkative DJs. Wonpil tried to calm himself the whole time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The moment they arrive at a cafe, Wonpil takes note of the place and it’s not a cheap one, but it looks comfortable and well-maintained. He realizes that Jae has already had a very stable career in Hollywood, with a film already nominated in Cannes Festival. There are already talks he’ll be nominated in the Oscars too for his acting. He mentally reminds himself to ask him about those things.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They sat by the window sun basking both of them. Wonpil looks at the now-blond friend? Lover? Companion? Comrade? Person. Person is safe to label whoever Jaehyung is to him. He takes a sip of his latte and the banana pancakes Jae ordered for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jae always knows his favorite and he doesn’t even need to ask. He just knows. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So.” Jae starts the conversation this time. “How is your life, Wonpiri?” He asks casually, as if they’re just catching up as friends, as if nothing happened a year ago that things were left hanging. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Piano. Same shit,” Wonpil replies unenthusiastically. “You know it’s always the same shit. I study piano, I play piano, I apply to schools for piano. Do part-time for piano. But I bet your life is much more interesting, Mr. Oscar Nominee.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonpil just wants to avoid talking about him, sounding self-deprecating. He hates himself for being uninteresting and life revolving in piano and nothing else. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not yet a nominee, Mr. Piano Man.” Jae clarifies all humble. “At least here in Seoul I don’t have to bother with cameras much and simple disguises work. I hate LA. I should be moving to New York but I’m still thinking about it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“New York is nice. But how about LA?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing for me to stay in LA or even in New York.” Jae says seriously looking at Wonpil intensely, with emotions, with something else behind his words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yet you return back before the year ends. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Wonpil thinks with much sadness. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They exchanged conversations and humor and light talks. Wonpil allows himself to forget whatever was left a holiday ago, two holidays ago, three holidays ago. He forgets the cycle because he’s also craving for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He admits he’s weak with the way the pale man looks and smiles at him. He lets him touch his hand over the small table while they talk. He permits himself to blush over a subtle flirty comment about his wide smile. He flirts back about his laugh lines already forming, a telling sign of aging. They laugh and reminisce. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Breakfast finished quickly as their conversation passed. They separated right after and Wonpil was dropped off back to his apartment. Jae said he has to deal with his parents later today and just stayed at the hotel over 2 nights to get some rest for himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You deserve some rest</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Wonpil reassured along their talk. During the afternoon with Jae in his parents’ house, they exchanged texts. Wonpil makes sure he doesn’t read their previous messages from last holiday. He doesn’t really want to remember. Their exchange of messages is casual, a little bit flirty, like the old times. Inside jokes are said that only them understand. It was familiar...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And when Jae invited Wonpil back to his hotel disguised as one dinner together, he allowed himself another sin of heartbreak. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <b>September, 15 years ago</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Los Angeles is exactly 9,586.86 kilometers from Seoul, according to Google. Wonpil made sure to look it up the moment he got home after his afternoon hangout with Jae. After Jae told him that he’s moving to LA by the end of next month. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He should be mad for how sudden it is but what can anger do? He’s losing his best friend because of distance and time. 17 hours apart to be exact, Wonpil also researched the time difference. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He hated math, he decided then. He also hated geography.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Will you promise to e-mail me every day?” Jae asked him before they went back to their own homes. Wonpil could only nod in response. He’s too young to own an e-mail account but he should ask his mom later.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They hugged later that night and Wonpil replayed the warmth of his only friend before he slept. He cried for the first time in his life.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He wasn’t there when Jae and his family went to the airport. Jae promised to send him an e-mail once they landed and to talk about his experience on the plane.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>After they left, Wonpil locked himself in the room— once again, lonely.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The morning after should be called “the day that should never happen” or Death Day. Because as soon as Wonpil wakes up all naked covered in the hotel's white sheets with his childhood best friend beside him in the same state as him, he instantly regrets it. Stage 1: Denial. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This isn’t happening again. It’s been 5 holidays. You already promised yourself that last holiday would be the last. You even said good bye, Wonpil talks to himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stage 2: Anger. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jae!” He yells as soon as he’s already well-aware that this is nothing but another dumb decision by both of them. “Wake up, idiot.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jae groans as he stretches. Wonpil secretly takes a peak on the other man’s naked body showing by sheets being pulled. He wants to slap himself awake. “That’s one way to be woken up, babe. But we could really do other things to wake each other up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stage 3: Bargaining</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Babe. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Maybe if I didn’t let him call me that 5 years ago… this wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have been in a secret fling with my best friend who lives across the world away from me. Maybe I would have saved myself the heartbreak.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <b>March, 10 years ago</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll audition to be an actor, Pil.” They’re on Skype with each other. He’s already in college and Wonpil was almost graduating and looking for university. “And I have a girlfriend.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. Wonpil didn’t expect that.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Congratulations, Jae. That’s really… wow. How is she?” Wonpil couldn’t even ask genuinely because he can feel his heart beating through his ears. Too loud, or too silent. He doesn’t know.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Babe?” Wonpil heard from the room. “We’ll be late on our reservation.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I gotta go, Pil. I’ll call you again soon.” Jae hung up.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wonpil can’t place what he’s feeling. He fell asleep with tears on his pillows, forgetting their entire conversation. He didn’t know that in the next years— he’d be the one to be called ‘babe’ and he didn’t know it would hurt so much.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Stage 4: Depression</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t mean to cry. He didn’t expect he’d break down half-naked, only in his underwear, in front of the man that’s causing all the heartbreak he’s been feeling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wonpil…” Jae says worried. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No, you’re not. You’re never sorry, Park Jaehyung.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jae, I don’t want this anymore… I—“ Wonpil cries harder. Jae can only embrace his shaking being full of tears and regrets. “This just hurts. Every year. Every December. You go here and pretend nothing happened between us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wonpil. Please.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Jae. I know what happens next. You’ll invite me to your parent’s house next weekend. You call it post-Christmas, pre-New Year’s weekend.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Pil, my parents love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I love them too! I always visit them on their birthdays, on parents’ day, on random weekends. They keep asking about us.” Wonpil’s voice gets higher and angrier— letting out everything that has happened. “And what do I say to that? What is us, Jae?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I—Babe…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See, you can’t even answer it.” Wonpil chuckles bitterly. “Good bye, Jae. This is for real this time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonpil got up to dress himself. Jae left speechless, only watching every move by the man he’s ever loved. The warm bed from last night became colder than the December winds from outside when the final slam of the door was heard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Stage 4: Acceptance.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <b>December, 5 years ago</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It was a drunk post-Christmas, pre-New Year’s celebration with their childhood circle. Jae drank way too much beer and he was lonely in Los Angeles. Seoul has always been his comfortable place, his happy place— with his childhood friends, with Wonpil. Wonpil. The man who snuck up on him, on every Skype call, on every iMessage, on every selfie he sent to him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jae who was lonely and just wanted someone to understand him as much as Wonpil could. Not even Stella could. Not even anyone from his actor friends. Before he realizes, his feelings changed. And Jae was no longer just lonely, he was definitely scared.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, but Drunk Jae was a whole different being. Because the moment Wonpil held him to get up and drove him to his parents’ house, Drunk Jae forgot all his inhibitions and took hold of Wonpil’s worried face and kissed him in the dusty old car.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They forgot the time when they were making out. It was childish for both of them, as if they were teenagers who bloomed late and only just now experienced the rush of sneaking to make out. It was exciting and it was mind-blowing.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The next morning, they called each other and in Wonpil’s rented apartment, it was a blur of discarded clothes, blushes, breaths, and kisses.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>In silent agreement, they never talked about what they were doing. They were just Jae and Wonpil in each other’s embrace. And they thought that was enough.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Dear… why is Wonpil not with us?” His mother asks in their post-Christmas dinner. It’s always with Wonpil that they have this dinner. His father had asked a couple of days ago when he checked out of his weekend hotel and stayed in his parents’ house, why he’s been awfully quiet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s unfamiliar, they said. Every holiday, he’d spend it with Wonpil. They’d go cafe hopping or go ice skating or stay in his apartment just to watch crappy movies. But since Wonpil left, he’d been stuck at his parents’ home doing everything to distract himself from the heartbreak.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He said he’s gonna work today.” Jae lied hoping his mother would change the topic.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh alright, son. I prepared a gift for him but he didn’t come by even on Christmas. Can you give it to him before you go fly back to LA?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Because of his work, he has to shorten his trip in Seoul. His movie is getting recognized by critics and being submitted to international film festivals. He’s finally there. He’s someone who can be proud of himself. Someone worthy of Wonpil.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to catch a flight early tomorrow, Mom. I’ll just let him know so he can get it here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They ate silently after that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After dinner and him packing his things to go back to LA, he sent a text message to Wonpil.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Mom’s got you a present. I’m flying back to LA tomorrow. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a few hours, he didn’t see a reply but the message status says ‘Read.’</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <b>February</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’s all over the headlines and social media. The new rising star. Best upcoming actor. Park Jaehyung. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Goddamn it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Wonpil just wants to read the news but why must he always be in every goddamn website.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His phone buzzed with a notification sound. He checked the date. Manhattan School of Music. His application last year would be revealed today. He tries to calm himself because this is really now or never. New York or stuck in Seoul. Piano or stuck in part-time jobs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He closes the browser full of headlines about him and a new rumored love interest. It’s all over the internet because it’s “hot” and “exclusive” that Park Jaehyung is dating Kang Younghyun— another famous child actor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pretends he doesn’t care. He really doesn’t, so he opens the e-mail.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Congratulations. You have passed the application—</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonpil doesn’t finish the entire email to know. His heart is beating too loud and he loses his grip holding his phone until it completely falls on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to New York.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <i>D6 Entertainment, Park Jaehyung’s agency, has confirmed that Park Jaehyung and Kang Younghyun have been in a relationship. The relationship is new and unexpected. The couple asks for privacy. Exclusive interview in JY!News on Thursday.</i>
</p>
<p>———————- jp ————-</p>
<p>Thank you for reading!! I hope I did okay. I swear I had a better idea than this.<br/>Please leave kudos/comment. Loveuall~</p>
<p>Happy Holidays and Happy New Years!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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